Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is a model of psychotherapy at the leading edge of human development. It is a collaborative relationship between the facilitator and the client that empowers the individual’s unique and intuitive wisdom, known as the Self, to lead the inner world system of sub-personalities, known as parts. The experience offers a new pattern of relationship with oneself, which produces an expanded identity, greater communication, inner peace, confidence, and compassion. The IFS Level One Training taught me to understand the concept and workings of the model, while mastering the skills required to experience and facilitate the work. The education I gained personally and professionally through lectures, demonstrations, discussions, practice sessions, and a variety of experiential exercises, was more than words can express.
Dr. Richard Schwartz, a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), developed the model naturally by noticing a common language used among his clients. The simple phrase, “a part of me” was used to describe a feeling, thought, belief, or sensation. He decided to build a relationship with the described part and found that when it felt heard, had its fears addressed, and trusted the therapist, then it would relax and stop interfering during sessions. Dr. Schwartz also noticed that each person has a core that is greater than the sum of the parts (Self). IFS focuses on facilitating the client’s access of Self for Self leadership to take place within the clients internal system. This approach sees the individual as greater than his or her problems, empowering wholeness and relieving imbalances within the system.
The first weekend of class started with a brief history, overview and demonstration, which was powerful in understanding how the model works. It is one thing to read about the model and another to see and experience how it expresses naturally within the human psyche. The theory proposes a complex internal system based on systems thinking and multiplicity of mind. The sub-personalities, referred to as “parts,” affect the inner and outer world systems, and have often become extreme due to life experiences. The initial IFS process cultivates awareness and a slowing down of these parts to introduce a Self-to-part relationship. Ultimately, when Self is embodied, extreme parts can be relieved of pressure and reconfigure to have a better balance within the system. All parts are considered valuable and have positive intentions, even if the effect has become dysfunctional.
According to the Internal Family Systems Level One Training Manual, the goals of IFS Therapy are:
- To achieve balance and harmony within the internal system
- To differentiate and elevate the Self so it can be an effective leader in the system.
- When the Self is in the lead, the parts will provide input to the Self, but will respect the leadership and ultimate decision making of the Self.
- All parts will exist and lend talents that reflect their non-extreme intention
The skill of accessing Self personally and to teach others to do the same is imperative. I learned to identify and strengthen qualities of Self through lecture, demonstrations, practice and supervised sessions. Compassion, curiosity, caring, courage, feeling connected and calm are attributes I learned to watch and feel for. It may sound like an easy task to achieve, yet can be challenging when most of us have parts that we want to get rid of, are anxious, judgmental, critical, loud or pushy. These parts need attention to calm down, which feels counter intuitive. Holding Self-energy, is the ability to be present to ones inner world, welcoming and listening to what is, without judgment, no matter how ugly, scary or unwanted by other parts. Establishing Self-Leadership with parts is a relationship building process. Learning the subtle differences of Self-energy and parts energy was most obvious observing demonstrations and receiving personal feedback after supervised sessions. It is the role of the therapist to be in Self-energy for a session to be most effective. If the client shares something that triggers a part of me that feels judgmental, that will only trigger defensive parts of the client and will block Self-leading qualities for the both of us. If a part does interfere, it is relationship building to acknowledge it and apologize to the client. This lesson has proven effective in all my relationships and has made a positive impact professionally and personally. Practicing internal awareness and utilizing the ability to distinguish parts is the foundation to increase Self-energy. This piece of the practice is termed unblending.
The skill of unblending invites the client to go inward and facilitates the awareness, pace, and communication with parts in an effort to have them slow down and step back. The purpose is to create space for Self-energy and focus the relationship on one part at a time. The benefit is an immediate sense of calm, clarity and expanded sense of identity. I learned to have fine tuned antennas to detect parts and gently bring awareness to them without judgment. Guided imagery, creative writing, physical movement and choosing an object, such as a doll, or toy to represent parts are a few of the more creative ways I learned to help people unblend. This skill brings incredible value to ones inner and outer world communication. The internal slowing down and being present creates the opportunity to hear and understand internal upsets, fears, needs and desires. At the same time, the focus on the part evolves and the person can speak to self and others from a place of wholeness. This establishes a Self-to-part relationship needed to release any burdens. Unblending is also the basis to communicate with Self-led feedback, which is speaking to another on behalf of a part verses speaking from the part. I understood the power of this tool in practice sessions discussing touchy subjects. It reduced the intensity of emotions, relaxed defenses for both the speaker and the listener and provided greater clarity with mutual understanding. One of the fabulous side effects is a depth of self understanding. The better a person understands themselves, the better self-care they attain. This supports greater health and improved relationships.
Learning about the roles parts play, and how they interact and manifest into our lives expanded my understanding of the human psyche. I learned how some parts manage our lives and others hold onto to pain. My fine tuned antennas learned to detect polarized parts causing conflict within the system. I learned to negotiate relations between parts, bringing them to awareness of Self and each other. I learned that we all have similar parts such as the “figure-it-out” part or the “inner critic” even though they show up in different forms. Some people see images and others hear voices. Some have a felt sense and some have physical symptoms. I found if I, or the client, judge or think to hard it can stifle the communication necessary to relieve stress within the system. The key is remaining open, compassionate, and trusting whatever shows up. Observing this through video, live demonstrations and personal experience was essential to understanding and facilitating the work. I am grateful as this lesson expanded the quality of non-judgment I offer my inner and outer world relationships, which enriches and supports all of them.
Parts are organized to protect the Self and referred to as Managers, Firefighters and Exiles. The Managers run the day-to-day activities in attempt to protect the system from harm. Firefighters are also protective and primarily reactive when the wounds of the exiled parts are threatened or activated. Exiles are the parts typically isolated from the rest of the system. They carry the burden of hidden wounds and/or traumas. The Managers and Firefighters work hard to keep those burdens invisible. Understanding the roles allowed me to relate and flow better with the process of getting to know them. One of the profound lessons was to befriend the protectors, seek to understand them verses seeking to make them change, which only triggered defenses. I learned the skills of patience, listening, differentiating parts (mine and the clients), befriending parts, building trust, addressing fears and cultivating safety all in an effort to establish a healthy relationship between parts and Self. If I moved toward the exiled vulnerability too fast, I ran the risk of triggering backlash. Backlash is an attempt to calm or numb an upset (firefighter activity). This can show up in variety of ways, such as, drugs, alcohol, sex, over sleeping, self-mutilation, and/or eating dis-orders. The finesse I learned to understand parts, their relationships and addressing fears makes the difference between risking backlash and moving forward in healing. I learned to be careful not to side with any part as it can put opposing parts in the defense as well. It can be a dance to develop the trusting relationship needed to get permission from protective parts to work with the wounded exile.
The goal is to unburden the exile with permission of the protectors, which supports healing to take place. Sometimes this is a spontaneous occurrence and other times assisted. I learned to guide the client’s Self in witnessing the part sharing its story. The importance of having the “figure-it-out” and other parts step back cannot be expressed enough. No matter how much we think we know what the burden is, it continues to amaze me and those having the experience what actually needs to be released. Unburdening allows pain to be released, lessons learned and lost qualities replaced. Extreme parts relax and come into better balance. The inner system naturally reorganizes and other parts show up asking for relief too.
Body awareness plays a valuable role in IFS therapy. After the therapist assesses the external and internal environment and engages the client by introducing parts language, the therapist then directs the client’s attention to go inward. Gentle care is needed when helping a client reconnect with their body because for some the experience can be too intense. I learned that the body is a great tuning device and it is a practice to connect with it. Feeling what goes on in the body with conscious awareness opens the door to having a relationship with parts. Parts often show themselves in areas of tension, pressure, congestion, or weakness. The level of safety must be assessed in order to continue the Self-leadership process. I learned when clients are too uncomfortable with attention to their inner world it is imperative to take a different route. Self-leadership is not for everyone and the level of safety must be comfortable enough for the client to embody it. According to Dr. Schwartz, “for the Self to lead adequately, it needs to be in the body. The more it is embodied, the more it can allow its energy to flow through the body and the more parts trust its leadership.” I learned a variety of exercises to move the body for better access to Self, and to allow parts energy to move through the body.
IFS Level One expanded my understanding of the human psyche and body-mind-spirit integration. I learned how our inner world relations greatly affect our wellbeing and outer world consciousness. It gave me a new perspective and intrinsic experience of wholeness. The skills and techniques I learned not only changed my world, it also gave me a gift to help others do the same.